


An Ineffective Spell

by Buffintruda



Series: Aro Spec Awareness Week [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Merlin, Asexual Character, Asexual Merlin, Curses, Gen, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6045811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffintruda/pseuds/Buffintruda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin comes out as aromantic to his closest friends with varying reactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ineffective Spell

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an au where everything is pretty much the same, except it takes place in the modern world.  
> Written for Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week.

Merlin woke up, feeling far more disoriented than normal. As his thoughts focused, he realized there were voices around him, familiar ones, but his mind was still too cloudy to understand what they were saying. He lay there for an unknown amount of time. The distant voices stopped, leaving silence. Fighting his way to clarity, he opened his eyes.

“Merlin! You’re awake! Gaius! He’s awake!” someone called out. Gwen, he realized. He was in his bed and Gwen was sitting in a chair beside him. The room was bright, but purely in an artificial way. It was still night then.

“Are you alright?” Gwen asked.

“I think so.” The words came out slower, less clearly than he intended them to.

“Merlin!” Gaius rushed into the room.

“I’m fine, I think,” Merlin said, not wanting to worry the older man. Then panic flooded him as he remembered what had just happened. “Where’s Arthur?! What happened?”

“Calm down. Everything’s fine. You got hit by the spell meant for Arthur.” Why was Gaius telling him this? He knew that! He remembered seeing the witch only after it was too late to do anything else. He remembered getting hit and losing consciousness. That wasn’t what he wanted to know!

“Arthur’s fine. You saved him in time.” Gwen added. “He went back to the party to calm down the guests. I got a call a bit ago saying that he’s dealing with his security now.” 

Merlin relaxed a little. “And the witch? Did they catch her? Who was she?”

Gaius shook his head. “She vanished before anyone could get a clear look at her. But I think I know who it is.”

“What?” Gwen and Merlin exclaimed.

“I saw the security footage,” he explained. “Her face was hidden, but I could hear the spell she cast, and while you were unconscious, I looked it up. It was a curse intended to cause a person to murder the person they are in love with.”

“It was meant for Arthur!” Gwen realized, horrified. “I was supposed to be killed!”

“Morgana! Who else would do something like that? She wants you dead, Gwen, and if Arthur did it, his people would lose their faith in him, making it easier for her to take over!” Merlin noticed that Gwen and Gaius were giving him scared looks. 

“But she cursed you!” Gwen said.

He suddenly understood their fear, as unfounded as it was. “Oh, you don’t have to worry. I’m not in love with anyone. I won't kill anybody.”

“Merlin, there's another thing,” Gaius said gravely.

“What?” he asked, suddenly very worried. Was there some kind of side effect? Would he die if he didn’t kill someone?

“It's a lasting spell. If you ever fall in love you will be forced to kill that person.”

Merlin couldn't help but laugh a little in relief. “Oh, just that? I thought you were going to say I was going to die too!”

“Merlin!” Gaius admonished. “This is serious!”

“How do we break it?” Gwen asked before Merlin could say anything.

“I don't know if we can.”

“It doesn't matter. I'm not going to fall in love.” His heart started beating faster. This was the perfect opportunity to come out. These were the people who deserved to know, if anyone did: the man who was his father in all but blood, who he trusted the most of his secrets to, and one of his closest friends.  _ But what if?  _ Part of him whispered.  _ What if they don’t accept you? What if everything goes wrong? _

“You don't know that,” Gaius said. “Many people say that, but...”

“I'm aromantic!” he said before he could convince himself to stay quiet.

“You’re what?” Gaius asked.

“Aromantic. That means I don’t feel romantic attraction.” Neither of them had heard the word before. Of course they hadn’t, who had? He tried to keep calm on the outside, but inside, every nerve was tensed, his pulse echoed in his ears, and everything felt hinged on their reaction.

“You don’t fall in love?” Gwen questioned, confused. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I don’t fall in love romantically. I don’t even get crushes or anything like that either.”

“Well, that does make things a lot simpler,” Gaius said. “After all, the spell is only for romantic attraction, as far as I'm aware of."

Merlin grinned, relieved beyond words at his simple acceptance. His body calmed, leaving him feeling a little jittery. He hadn't told anyone that yet. He found the word somewhat recently, and thought that it wasn't something that the others really needed to know, and it never came up in conversation, so he said nothing. And maybe he preferred staying in the shadows rather than coming out into the open, used to keeping things secret rather than risking judgement.

“Were you disappointed when you found out?” Gwen had an irritatingly concerned expression.

He knew she wasn’t trying to be hurtful or condescending, but it was. “No,” Merlin snapped, perhaps too coldly. “I was actually relieved because it meant that I wasn’t more of a freak. That I wasn’t alone. I’m only disappointed that people keep expecting me to want romance and won’t accept it when I say I don’t. And it’s helping me right now, so I’m glad I’m aro.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to know if you were okay, if you were happy.”

Merlin calmed down, a little embarrassed at his overly harsh reaction. “I am.”

“Good.” She smiled apologetically at him.

“You should get some more rest, Merlin,” Gaius interrupted. “The spell didn’t seem to do any physical damage, but you have been unconscious for the last couple of hours.”

“Right.” Merlin settled back down into his bed. 

“I told Arthur about the spell before you woke up,” Gaius said as Gwen got up to leave. “Do you want me to tell him why you are fine or do you want to tell him yourself?’

Merlin considered it. To let Gaius tell him would be easy. But this was something he probably should do himself. It would be cowardly to do otherwise, and he wanted to see and deal with Arthur’s reaction firsthand.

“I’ll do it.”

Gaius gave him an approving look and nodded.

“I won’t tell him either,” Gwen said.

...

The next day, after waking up later than he normally did, Merlin entered Arthur's room. 

“Merlin! You’re awake!” the king said when he saw who came through the door. Relief was visible for an instant before being covered up by something less emotional. “You do know that I gave you the day off, right?”

“Yeah,” Merlin replied. “Gaius told me.”

“Then what are you doing here? Don't you have a curse to break? We should keep you away from all girls until then.”

“I'm not straight.” Even that vague admission was nerve-racking. He thought it would be easier, now that he had already come out once, but it wasn’t.

“Oh.” Arthur was surprised only for a moment before he brushed it off. “Boys then?”

“I'm not interested in boys either.”

Now he looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“I'm aromantic. That means I'm not romantically attracted to anyone.”

“Really?” The scepticism in Arthur's voice made Merlin's heart sink and start beating harder. “I’ve never heard of it before.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you were the authority on these matters. If you haven't heard of it, that must mean it doesn't exist,” Merlin snapped, hurt.

Arthur looked taken aback. “I didn’t realize it was so important to you,” he said in place of an apology. “You're sure of it then?”

“Yes. Very.”

“I hope you're right. That's good news.” He didn't look completely convinced, but seemed willing to give Merlin the benefit of the doubt.

...

“Merlin!” Gwaine’s face was relieved and worried. “Are you okay? With the curse? Not planning on killing your special someone anytime soon?”

“How do you know about the curse?” Merlin didn’t want to deal with this. He had already come out to three people, and while Gaius’s response was good, Arthur and Gwen’s had been less than ideal. He was tired of explaining himself, tired of being hurt by their lack of understanding, tired of feeling guilty because he shouldn’t have expected them to know and get it immediately.

“Arthur told me.” After viewing Merlin’s puzzled expression, Gwaine added in explanation, “My concern may have bothered him into telling me everything he knew. But seriously, do you have any plans for breaking the curse?”

“I don’t need to! I’m aromantic!” Merlin said with more frustration than Gwaine deserved. He stopped, expecting questions about what that meant. Instead, he heard laughter. “I’m serious! It’s not a fake thing, I swear. There are loads of people who are aromantic, I’m-”

“No, I believe you. It’s just Morgana, I’m assuming that it was Morgana who did it, is probably still expecting you to get yourself into trouble because of your spell, but you thwarted her just by being you!”

“Oh.” He was surprised for a moment at Gwaine’s open acceptance, but then, that did sound more like something he would laugh about. Merlin gave Gwaine an embarrassed grin. “Sorry for assuming the worst. It’s just, Gwen and Arthur didn’t have the best of reactions. I mean, it was mostly ignorance, but still.”

Gwaine smiled. “I understand. People don’t always get it when I tell them I’m pan-fraysexual and grayromantic.”

“I didn’t catch all of that?” But he had caught enough. Merlin didn’t know every prefix, but he understood that Gwaine must be pretty knowledgeable in matters concerning sexual and romantic orientations, which explained why he wasn’t skeptical or questioning when Merlin came out to him.

“Pan means all genders, or regardless of gender, and fray means I only feel attracted to people until I get to know them. That’s my sexual orientation. My romantic orientation is gray, which means I only sometimes feel it.”

“Okay. I’m also asexual.”

“Cool. I appreciate you telling me. I’d never judge you on something like that. Or anything, really.”

He gave Gwaine a grateful look.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah. We can be ace- aro-spec buddies!”

This made Merlin laugh. “Sure.”

“Look out, ace and aro phobia! Ignorance and amatonormativity had better watch their backs! There’s no way they can stand up to the combined forces of Sir Gwaine and Merlin!”

...

“Are you sure about that?” Morgana demanded her spy through the phone.

“Yes, my lady. I heard him telling the knight, Gwaine, with my own ears. Both are confident he will not fall in love.”

“Aromantic,” she spat. She had always considered that to be  _ her _ word. One more unchangeable part of her that Morgause had encouraged her to embrace. One more way Uther Pendragon had unknowingly made her feel scared and broken. While her main issue with him was the banning of magic, she would never forgive this slight, among dozens of others, either. She was not a monster just because she had magic and could not fall in love. After so much time repressing them, she clung to both, letting it fuel her hatred and anger. How dare  _ Merlin _ , of all people, that traitor, the arrogant, annoying servant, claim it too? It was insulting. She  _ despised _ the thought that they might share something so important to her.

“Yes, I do believe that’s the word I heard him use.”

“Thank you, Agravaine, for informing me of this matter.” Morgana hung up. Yes, the spell had been meant for Arthur, but that had failed, so she was hoping it could at least do some damage, having hit Merlin. Instead, he had foiled her again. She growled to herself, promising revenge.


End file.
